R A N T

Just then, she did it again.
I walked into the bathroom and low and behold i see the core bit of the toilet roll (what's it called?) with nothing around it except for one square piece of paper.

one square piece of paper!! D<
dude someone did this on purpose and I know who. because they were sooooo freaking lazy, they left one tiny piece of paper floating on the toilet roll core so they didn't have to get a new roll of toilet paper.

WHY?! is is soooo hard to go get a new toilet rolll

IS IT SO HARDDD!! FAROUT
how rude, so snneaaakkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
mum or dad wouldnt do it so it's sis

i feel better now
ttyl getting new roll

plantations of people

Dad and I were talking and suddenly we started talking about his dad's brothers etc, and we ended up drawing up a family tree, which was crayyyyy because his mother had many brothers and his dad had another 5-6 or so siblings and all went haywire.

Anyway, we ended up circling the names of all those who were still alive, (we didn't even know all their names) and crossing out those who were dead, and it gave me a sort of weird feeling, like a sense of loss.

and when i think about all these people dead and gone, death rings close to my ears, because they all have some sort of connection with me even if it's a weak one. Especially when my dad talks of his nephew he used to play with when they were 8, I feel like humanity is so completely alone, that once my dad passes away at some point, that young memory does too, and there are so many memories are dying right now locked away in the heads of people who never told their story. And yeah just so BLEAAAKK and SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. like how much do we really know about anyone.

[Every single time I go visit those rural, agrarian, dull, dusty, units that my relatives older than my parents live, I get mixed feelings of warmth, death. And I feel disconnected yet at ease at the same time, like I'm a branch re-attaching itself to a core Zhu family trunk, if that made sense. I have never seen many relatives of mine, such the ones who are a few generations older than me, and even if I have, I probably forgot them looong ago because I visited them when I was at such as young age. When I picture meeting them again I feel nice LOL FAROUT that lack of vocab. It's belonging wooooooo] - ceebs fixing this para

When I ask you, who's in your family? consciously and subconsciously you would only think to your immediate family: dad, mum, brother, sister etc etc etc. and yourself obviously. I feel like this is a very self-centered pov, which is perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong/bad about that because I'm asking about you. But yeah, I think what I'm trying to get across is that we are connected to a whole bunch of people, younger or older that share similar blood. Better yet, we are positioned in a FIXED place on a huge family tree, so we HAVE TO belong, you ARE the daughter or son of your mother and father, and that's inescapable, you can't choose not to be.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ANYWAY I'M DONE BAAIIII

*exits*

GOOD GRAMMAR POST

I just sadly realized that nothing happens until action is taken. I'm referencing this in regard to a particular thing. Sometimes I sit in a tutorial/lecture and I suddenly get an urge to talk to the person next to me, you know, the more people you get to know the better. So I build up courage inside of me, and my heart starts beating so freaking hard and then my stupid brain decides to inundate itself with stupid thoughts, which stop me from doing the thing that could have been done by simply quickly acting upon my instincts.

Which lead me to realise that if you don't DO, or ACT, your thoughts may as well not have existed. Basically, two people may be sitting in a lecture theatre. One person doesn't think much, and the other person builds up half their courage to talk to the person sitting next to them but then gives in. Internally, something may have changed, but the reality is, nothing has changed.

It is only when you ACT, that people will begin to get to know you, and I know this is kind of no shit but I think that talking specifically about this would make who ever reads this more inspired to act. Because it is only through action, that other people can even begin to understand who you are.

Ok simple example to make clear what I'm trying to say. Let's say you're sitting on a train full of silent people. Now, you probably subconsciously think that they're uninteresting/boring people, and just like sheep, they're probably super ordinary, not unique, and don't have deep thoughts. Until one person starts randomly talking to you about their amazing life.

SEE... because that person physically acted by talking to you, they suddenly aren't a sheep in a flock. LOL BEST EXAMPLE.

Also,

Even if you used to only build up 10% courage to talk to a random, and now you can build up to 90% courage, in a sense, you have changed nothing at all. There is only action and no action. Zero percent and a hundred percent. No in between. So next time you think of something, DO IT, because not doing it, is kind of like discrediting the existence of that thought, if that makes sense.

So in a way, those who are less action - inclined people are at a disadvantage sometimes.

Anyway it's obviously not easily done but good luck HAHA

CORRECTION

OK she doesn't do it anymore,


phew!
i think she was in a bad mood that day.

ANGRY

My sister's first words to me when she came home were:

"yes, go lock yourself up in a room, i don't want to see your face."

DAFUQ, this ain't even a joke. and that isn't the first time either.

What in the hellsbells could even make a person say that after just seeing their sister, sure I may be annoying sometimes but it's not like I've done anything to her in the past fews days or even today. I just don't get how words like that could come out of nowhere. and that's the thing, because words just don't come out of nowhere, there must be this intense hatred of my presence OR She's screwing with me,

ALSO, it's not even because she had a bad day at work

anyway

If I ask, she'd probably say oh because your annoying, because I have asked before.

BA BOI

Ok guys, blog has been dead for a while so I will forcibly think of something to type up.

Yesterday, I went to a gymnastics class. Highlights include:

-everyone is so damn flexible and good
- flying in the air feels good
- trampolines are so bouncy and fun because you get to jump awesomely high
- there exists a sponge pit holymoly and you can somersault into the squishiness
- i did a somersault into the squishiness (it feels so weird because i have no spatial awareness at all) like when i do the somersault i have no idea what is happening until i land onto the squishy mat and then i realize, "Oh, so i landed on my butttt" like i have no control over when, where or how im landing.
- gymnastics is 20 bucks a week )8 i need to work hard for more moolahs damn
- i met this guy who talked to me a lot out of kindness and friendship, he was very open.

I now know his course, tutition fees, mode of transport to and from his house, where he lives, his nationality, his teacher, where his teacher is going on for a holiday and why, how much his material costs, where he studies, what he studies, what his high school life is like... and yeah HAHA very interesting!


Also the tutoring place i go to now 1Ap14c3 (so they don't find me LOL), the head english teacher is..
quite adorable, he has a kiddy voice, round sweet face like a lollipop. YAY

sheesh!!

SHOUT OUT TO EMILY

I dont purposely spell things wrong1!!!!

i just don't intend to spell super correctly, aka i type without going back to read, i do not consciously make an effort to spell badly so HA! in ur bfs face LOL JKJK
\
hi emily 8) i love you..

i mean

ILYBBYGRL4lyf5evaaaaa! xoxoxoxoxo

Recount of todayz day

I seem to never recount my day and I'll tell you why

It's because I haven't been doing anything out there

So maybe im going to do something out there soon

to stir some shitttz up a little.

Right now everyything is so mediocre, like i swear the only thing worthy of mention

is the fact, me and this shy-ish girl in philosophy tutorial shared a moment together.

Like one of us said something and we both genuinely laughed LOL

is that sad? HAHA FAROUTT

and seein ting in philo was niceeeeeee and i use the word nice because it's such an ordinary, daily sort of sweetness.

and i was tutoring a kid in english standard today, i was like maintain my mature authority and then i bursted out laughing at my own hilarious creative writing ideas and i couldn't stop. but my student gave me a forgiving stare so alls cool WHHEEE

and on a more morbid note that makes me wanna screaaamL
20 years jooliar, 20 years to be kewl (i hope i can interpret this when i come back to read it) deedub guys i am not terminally ill or anythingg 8)

Tunneling through

From what I know, tunnel vision has two definitions:

One of which is physical (wikipedia) : the loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision
One of which is metaphorical (urban dictionary): Limited vision, as in seeing only your own point of view
(sources aren't very reliable but you get da jist.)

Anyway , I was just thinking, don't we have the massive-est tunnel vision ever. I was sitting at the back of the train and staring at the view of the seats and I could only manage to visually reach out to the blurry view outside the windows. 

Most of this is unsupported evidence (as i have learnt in uni LOL) but the only reason we don't feel trapped with our "tunnel vision" is because we have thoughts and imagination that take us to other fantasy places and subconsciously construct the world around us so we don't freak out about our surroundings (eg. we know if we walk outside our house, there is going to be the porch). I think im trying to articulate what I feel now. For example, although within my field of vision is only a freaking computer screen right now, my thoughts are what set me "Free" and don't make me feel trapped LOL freak this sounds so corny but you get me yah?

the more I realise these obvious kind of things, the more existential I feel, the more weird it feels because I feel like realizing these little things allow me to see the bigger picture of (something). Since a lot of the time, "reality" is grasped with sight, our tunnelly vision, much like a film reel, only plays a tiny bit of the picture(and our thoughts only make up a portion of the out-side the tunnelly vision). That is why (if i recall correctly) the red bull guy who jumped from 60km away from earth felt the immensity of the earth/"reality" and his own insignificance, and human frailty and blah etc. because in his tunnelly vision, he saw half the earth.

which brings me back to the same ole question, is there a better way to get a hold on reality? a way that I don't just take in what I see in front of me and the in-front-of-me view when I turn 180 degrees but to "See" the whole earth in action/everyone's lives at once, I guess id have to be omniscient. Also, if i close my eyes I can't mentally imagine another way to ground myself to reality, how do blind people do it, what the heck do they do.

Another point I wanted to make is that within our limited visual frame, this may be obvious but I want to look at this from a visual perspective, that who ever enters it most are probably the people who have the most significance in your life which is kind of no shit because if you are close to someone chances are you spend time with them and visually "see" them more. But maybe this can also be attributed to the fact that being present/in the vicinity of someone you don't know can make them feel closer to you.

This doesn't have to occur visually though, I mean, who ever enters your circle of mental awareness circle, such as those who you can't visually see but are within close proximity of yourself can also be close people.

Okay im not quite sure where im going here but I just wanted to point out a few thought that i have conjured up in my little brain, eeeeeenjoy da brain foood.

spacesong

According to vsauce:

Apparently when we launched some sort of spaceship/shuttle(?) into outer space in some sort of vague hope that aliens would discover it we sent along this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzd9Wa3WoTw

If you guys want to know more about it google golden disk alien song or something, I forgot it was aaages ago!

But still the choice of song astounds, mesmerizes and confuses me. I don't really understand the song, as in when I listen to it I'm not sure what to feel, although it kind of gives off a feeling of inner wailing, if that even counts as a feeelinnnngg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU8lYA3DHZY sounds niceee

love this damn quote, in jap coz it makes it sooooooo much coohler oh yea :-)

何もしなければ　何も起きない

hupppppppp

you guys know those moments where your heart suddenly feels like it's beating out of your chest for a few seconds nad you gasp madly for breath. well i just did that, i realised that i was holding my breath for quite a long while subconciously

-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_
BREEEAATHHEEINNNN BREATTHHEE OUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

when i read back on what i typed i realised the first line osunds like a line out of some crappy romance book HAH!

the obvious that must be restated

people who aren't within temporal or spatial proximity to you don't seem to exist anymore

especially people who you've interacted minimally with, are forgotten and therefore don't exist aka the primary school canteen lady

you can only feel your best friends and family's existence quite strongly

especially if you don't have strong connections with family and friends, your own existence is felt so strongly that it takes up your "those who exist" thoughts and you feel like the only person in the world

im trying to get at is that if you want to be a strong existence/presence in someone's life, try to keep in touch, keep within close proximity

though that's pretty no shit stuff isn't it aye

I find this very interesting.

A poem from cho chang to JK rowling about her representation of Cho Chang addressing racial/stereotypes of Asian women. Actually very interesting I think you should watch it, link is below if the embedded video doesn't work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFPWwx96Kew

Her response video

diff between rents and i

i said something along the lines of "but they haven't dated yet/become girlfriend boyfriend" whilst watching this movie with parents

and they said "but they kissed"

WOAH i feel kinda non-innocentttt

desphair

my mum accidentally confused tea tree oil facial cleanser for the lotion you use for nit treatment and my scalp stingggggggggs

i hope my hair doesn't fall out tommorrow, and i hope there are no traces of acid in that cleanser )8

B for barely there

Recently, I read that statistically, that only fifty person of what you say is freedom of your choice. does what i say make sense?

As in- the other fifty percent of what you say is confined by the linguistic structures of language in order for you to make sense while the other fifty is for you to choose to shape what you say in an original manner.

interesting ayee??? right? RIGHT?!

maybe it was thirty i can't remember dammit. but im sure it was 50 and if 50 is what is right then it should be pretty reliable because i read this from a peer-reviewed journal and sydney uni says peer-reviewed journals plus some other type of writing is extremely reliable, if not 100% reliable.

actually not 100% reliable i only said that because the sentence sounded complete and Ahsumm!! if i used "if not" in it.

anyway, is the reason i think im inarticulate because i lack linguistic skill/vocab or because not enough words exist out there to accurately represent the ideas that flow within my head.

OK if i ever get a chance (prolly not LOL) i might post something from something i read in a media and communications reading. if!! i get around to understanding it, but im no even barely grasping the concept so waiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttt excitedly peeppppsss but i know its something quiteee mind opening!!

and forgive my nonsensical post titles, im just trying to be exciting okay

BYEBYE!!

emoticons :-)

according to this article http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8199951.stm
apparently eastern and western people have different ways of interpreting facial expressions, with the west focusing more on the whollistic face and the east more on the eyes (but as a result of cultural circumstances rather than genetics)

and apparently it's apparent in emoticons too HAHAAAAAAA

East West differences in Emoticons

Emotion	West	East
'Happy'	:-)	(^_^)
'Sad'	:-(	(;_;) or (T_T)
'Surprise'	:-o	(o.o)

interesting...  indeed the eyes of the "western emoticons" remain dots and the mouths of the "eastern emoticons" neutral.

now how can i apply this knowledge to real lifeeeeee? : S

1+1

they say eyes are the windows to one's soul

but don't you think these glossy meaningful looking apertures are just so physically shallow but eyes are such deep symbols, look at all the metaphoric meanings that it represents!

but sometimes when i'm talking to a person, i look at their eyes and i start to feel so disconnected, i examine the shape, the colour, and try to visually dig deeper into their retinas(is that what is is?) or whatever in search of a material form of a connection.

eyes convey a lot of emotion and shiz but sometimes they are friggen blockages, sometimes i wonder that if i physically looked "deep" enough into an eye i could actually understand someone. but then i start focussing on the black roundness of their iris.

and then i realize that maybe i don't need to look in the person's eyes to connect, anmd that maybe i should just listen to the voice of the speaker and look away

and then i think, we can't all truly understand each other unless we are part of one conciousness because even language cannot capture the intentions and other thoughts that accompany and exist behind what we say.

oh and rumour once said if you continually stared at a person in the eye for 4 minutes, your chances of liking them is higher, but that's just rumor don't trust me on that LOL

and when i don't wear glasses, i stare the blurry image of a person's eyes so they know i'm listening (and i am btw)

but anyway the point is, i will continually look into peoples eyes as i communicate gyahaha

UNI LIFE UNEDITD

University life is sooooooooooooooo meh. I like the days where I can just leave real early and there are clubs buuuuuuut i think a small part of measuring the quality of university life is measured by your need for some good social interaction and how much satisfactorily/illusory good social interaction you actually get and most of the ones i get are temporary like:

HELO WHAAZ YA NAME
BLAH BOB BLAHBLAH
ORLY
*convoconvoconvo*

---------next lecture-------
never see the same person again

and my hair has been very itchy lately. nits??! well I just dousted my hair and massaged all this tea tree oil smelling thick liquid onto my head!! sweetttjeeeeesusss my scalp is burning and i LUVIT!!

JOOPDAWOOPALOOPYHOOPY

if you time travelled back and met your younger self, and your younger self asked: what is my future like, the future where you exist right now?

and you told him/her the answer. do you think he or she'd be disappointed or super happy?

and on another note, my so called blog revamp is going to take a realllllly lonnnng while so don't expect a change soon HAHA when i first saw the pic of the cityview(my blog header picture) i was like fwoah so coool, now i feel un-reactive towards it haha

does it reinforce the vague concept that excitement comes from changeeeeeee

REVAMP.

OK my blog is losing it's freshness!
guess it's time for...

REVAMP!!

for those who continue reading.. i really appreciate it because reading the blog = listening to what i say and listening to what i sometimes hafta say is a nice feeling SO FANX!!

revamp begins.. tommorow

aka im procrastinating and this revamp will occure in liek a few weeks LOLZ or maybe not depending on circumstances

HI.

i dont know why but ive always thought of my blog as something i would leave so that my children could read it. Not saying i am going to have children or get married even, but i think that because i probably need to leave some thoughts for my children to read so they can see the transition of a teenager to an adult that i couldnt see in my parents LOL

Like i would also be extremely reluctant to chuck out random pieces of paper i write on sometiems and my old kindy books and year 7-12 stuff becaues i want my children to somehow, indirectly live and understand a part of my life that they have not lived in. and also because i wanted to see my parent's year 7 homework and the like.

all this talk of "my children" is a bit creepy TOO ADULT FOR ME MAYNE.

Travelling makes you widerrrrrrrrrrr

BELOW is an unfinished post from quite a while back, aroun janurary the 13th?

I'm too lazy to complete the post, and i may regret it but MIEH!
below is prolly something about my enlightened journey to china

don't believe everything i say btw! my opinions and values and whatnot change by the millisecond LOL

below was the me in her straight-after-her-journey-back-to-australia mindset. i thought i wanted to remind u of that haha READ ON PEEPS

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here begins my fragmented prologue to my journey in china. not prologue, more like one and only post mebbe.

I travelled for 7 weeks in china, to different places...and I met different people..n oshit! but i thought i should state it anyway.

I think travelling exposes you to different situations and cultures, and that the fact that everything is different forms a great platform for us humans to think and realize new things that expand the mind. I'm generalizing here but it is true bcause through out my trip I'd get several realizations, simple realizations that have a kind of deep thinkign process

...like an iceberg, where the tip is the stuff i learn which i can vocalize (stuff which you know) and the beneath the water stuff is the thought process which is hard to articulate ya get me (stuff which you realize and go oooooooh as you realize what the stuff you know trully means) yea.

you learn so much about things in general when you travel, for example: stuff about the human condition, like how humans interact and knowing so mcuh other types of personalities that exxist is very interesting, can't find the right word for it! travelling heavily encompasses meeting NEW PEOPLE i must add. Like i learnt the most and had the best time in the last four weeks in china because i joined a winter camp, where you get to meet hundreds of peopel from Malayttsia, indonesia, peru, thailand, burma you name it.

Maybe the fact that other country students and australian students all congregated in a foreign place adds flvaour to the experience in general, because people act differently in a foreign place than they in their homeland because things seem more special

In china, once, i snuck nto my sister's diary wondering what was so important inside it that she refused to show me, you know sometimes curiosity educates the cat. IN MY OPINION there realyl wasn't much, a daily post would be like "we went here, and there and bought some milk tea with whom, then we visited our relatives and had fish in a restaraunt, it was very yummy"

I didn't see any meaning in a journal liek that. There was nothing about . I guess people value different things.
It has trully been a great experience.

sometimes i was sad i didn't have a cemra around me to record th funniest moments and happiest moments of my trip, scared that i forget. it wasn't just taking photos but taking photos of people who mean something.
sometimes, i ceebs taking photos and just lived in the mometn.peru
Like snow capped beautiy, i wish i had time to sit down and absorb the view my sister said "oh julia you're sooooo romantica aren't ya?"It's like i didn't meet hte people at all. this passing moment people
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bet i'll read back on this and think.. dayum why didnt i complete this piece of writing

inspiration for work

- get  a uke
- get a bike

stil thinking...

IMMM BACCKK

IM BACCKK FROM 7 weeks of china

didn't even tel you guys i elft beause i didn't know blogger didn't work in china. nothing works, fb, twitter, you name it so )*

anyway im back now and blogging shall return!!

HII EVERYBODDYYY!!

will post about chian soon!