plantations of people

Dad and I were talking and suddenly we started talking about his dad's brothers etc, and we ended up drawing up a family tree, which was crayyyyy because his mother had many brothers and his dad had another 5-6 or so siblings and all went haywire.

Anyway, we ended up circling the names of all those who were still alive, (we didn't even know all their names) and crossing out those who were dead, and it gave me a sort of weird feeling, like a sense of loss.

and when i think about all these people dead and gone, death rings close to my ears, because they all have some sort of connection with me even if it's a weak one. Especially when my dad talks of his nephew he used to play with when they were 8, I feel like humanity is so completely alone, that once my dad passes away at some point, that young memory does too, and there are so many memories are dying right now locked away in the heads of people who never told their story. And yeah just so BLEAAAKK and SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. like how much do we really know about anyone.

[Every single time I go visit those rural, agrarian, dull, dusty, units that my relatives older than my parents live, I get mixed feelings of warmth, death. And I feel disconnected yet at ease at the same time, like I'm a branch re-attaching itself to a core Zhu family trunk, if that made sense. I have never seen many relatives of mine, such the ones who are a few generations older than me, and even if I have, I probably forgot them looong ago because I visited them when I was at such as young age. When I picture meeting them again I feel nice LOL FAROUT that lack of vocab. It's belonging wooooooo] - ceebs fixing this para

When I ask you, who's in your family? consciously and subconsciously you would only think to your immediate family: dad, mum, brother, sister etc etc etc. and yourself obviously. I feel like this is a very self-centered pov, which is perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong/bad about that because I'm asking about you. But yeah, I think what I'm trying to get across is that we are connected to a whole bunch of people, younger or older that share similar blood. Better yet, we are positioned in a FIXED place on a huge family tree, so we HAVE TO belong, you ARE the daughter or son of your mother and father, and that's inescapable, you can't choose not to be.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ANYWAY I'M DONE BAAIIII

*exits*