Door of the Universe

Today, whilst scanning through book reviews on goodreads.com, I can't remember which book, but I remember coming across a quote in the summary section taken from the book along the lines of....

When you walk through a door, you're not just walking through a door, but a door thats planted on an immensely giant ball that is floating in the vast expanse of space which is the universe.

For some (or most people haha), quotes provide a exhilarating burst of inspiration, before disappearing under the small pressures of day to day life.

This quote, or attempt at replicating the quote's really nice because I often think about the mortality of myself and those around me. And these thoughts recur in moments irrelevant to that thought. For example, I could be at a party watching people dance, or be dancing and be completely in my head and start thinking about how we're all so temporary. It does however emphasise the beauty of the moment.

For the sake of easier understanding let's call this mindset of consciously thinking about how mortal we are, how little time we have left and the whole zoomed-out view of life as just meaningful but also insignificant in the grand scheme of thing as a 'we-all-die' mindset.

This we-all-die mindset, I've come to realise can be bad because thinking like that means that you can fail to be completely present in the moment. By playing observer in your own interactions, and framing everything that you do under a 'we-all-die' big-picture way means that we can't enjoy the now. And being in the present is important because... well apparently you're more happy that way. It sort of makes sense.

I mean, according to some guru of some sort somewhere, being in the present is equivalent to immortality because those who live in the now, and are conscious of where they are now and accept the now don't draw timelines back into the past of future. I don't actually think this last paragraph made too much sense - and it might be a bit too abstract. I'll try improve on it next time haha which means ... I won't.

hi

Hi, this is me again!

My post from 2013 jan 2 was really immature, people who think a year is mediocre take things for granted. To live comfortably for a whole year, to be able to be safe, happy and healthy with family and friends is a kind of miracle in itself, and nobody should label a year as shit or mediocre without understanding that mediocrity is only experienced by those who are comparably well-off.

Anyway,

December 31st I was invited to a family friends house. They have a five-story house that offered great views of the harbour fireworks. On that day I also received a call from Jeffrey (mum's colleagues?) to help out on a boat, so from 4pm on that day all the way until midnight and a few hours after, I was floating on a luxury boat on Sydney Harbour.

And right before midnight, I sat on the mini-boat, on a set of stairs. The other boats began slowly shifting their positions in preparation for the fireworks, finalise their position, and bob silently in expectation.  I was very close to the glistening pitch-black water that reflected the neon blue lights that the other boats were emitting, and it was kind of a nice silent, peaceful moment for me.

During that day, I felt a unity of people atop the boats, and a unity of the boats on the harbour as well as the unity of cheers from people ashore that I could hear probably kilometres away after the spectacular firework showcase. And with that weird unfamiliar and wonderful feeling you get floating on a boat at night looking at the brightly lit sky, it all felt so beautiful and lonely and happy and sad and warm at the same time.

Perhaps that is the kind of feeling you get when you try to reflect upon a a whole year that has passed and welcome the next year during the few hours before and after the transition from one year to another.

wot

i was just thinking...

you realise that you had forgotten the negative things in life for a period of time when you finally remember that for a period of time you had not remembered these negative things.

point is,

why can't we consciously know that we are in a period of time where we have forgotten these negative things... instead of, realising afterwards.


not that i have had negative things in life, but you know.. an example!

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this makes me so happyyy - you guys too?

meh-dio-cahhhh!!!!

a few people have posted their new years thoughts about lllife on facebook about a day ago, here is mine briefly

so the majority of posts on facebook have been talking about what a great year 2013 has been, what hope 2014 brings them and how great their friends have been, and that is good. It's what A LOT of people say,,,,, but it's those simple things-> friends, awesome experiences with friends etc. that bring the most happiness. and the only way to put it into words is through the cliched phrases "thank yo this thank yo that... look forward to 2013 booyah"

buuhhht what about the people who didnt think 2013 was great? maybe it didn't live up to their high or low expectations, what if 2013 was just the mediocre of the mediocre despite the little bits of joy that did occur during the year, aka, SHHHIIIIIITTTT. Shit meaning not the best, what nooww

i guess for the majority or minority of the people who felt 2013 was meh (not sure because nobody posts anything about 2013 being not so good) just remember that there is a section of people out there who feel the same. people who do acknolwedge and appreciate the things they take for granted, but felt like their year was the meh of the mehs. and i might be part of that group gahh

let's work together for this year to be better better better, lots to improve on!!! GOGOGOGOGOGO

R A N T

Just then, she did it again.
I walked into the bathroom and low and behold i see the core bit of the toilet roll (what's it called?) with nothing around it except for one square piece of paper.

one square piece of paper!! D<
dude someone did this on purpose and I know who. because they were sooooo freaking lazy, they left one tiny piece of paper floating on the toilet roll core so they didn't have to get a new roll of toilet paper.

WHY?! is is soooo hard to go get a new toilet rolll

IS IT SO HARDDD!! FAROUT
how rude, so snneaaakkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
mum or dad wouldnt do it so it's sis

i feel better now
ttyl getting new roll

plantations of people

Dad and I were talking and suddenly we started talking about his dad's brothers etc, and we ended up drawing up a family tree, which was crayyyyy because his mother had many brothers and his dad had another 5-6 or so siblings and all went haywire.

Anyway, we ended up circling the names of all those who were still alive, (we didn't even know all their names) and crossing out those who were dead, and it gave me a sort of weird feeling, like a sense of loss.

and when i think about all these people dead and gone, death rings close to my ears, because they all have some sort of connection with me even if it's a weak one. Especially when my dad talks of his nephew he used to play with when they were 8, I feel like humanity is so completely alone, that once my dad passes away at some point, that young memory does too, and there are so many memories are dying right now locked away in the heads of people who never told their story. And yeah just so BLEAAAKK and SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. like how much do we really know about anyone.

[Every single time I go visit those rural, agrarian, dull, dusty, units that my relatives older than my parents live, I get mixed feelings of warmth, death. And I feel disconnected yet at ease at the same time, like I'm a branch re-attaching itself to a core Zhu family trunk, if that made sense. I have never seen many relatives of mine, such the ones who are a few generations older than me, and even if I have, I probably forgot them looong ago because I visited them when I was at such as young age. When I picture meeting them again I feel nice LOL FAROUT that lack of vocab. It's belonging wooooooo] - ceebs fixing this para

When I ask you, who's in your family? consciously and subconsciously you would only think to your immediate family: dad, mum, brother, sister etc etc etc. and yourself obviously. I feel like this is a very self-centered pov, which is perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong/bad about that because I'm asking about you. But yeah, I think what I'm trying to get across is that we are connected to a whole bunch of people, younger or older that share similar blood. Better yet, we are positioned in a FIXED place on a huge family tree, so we HAVE TO belong, you ARE the daughter or son of your mother and father, and that's inescapable, you can't choose not to be.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ANYWAY I'M DONE BAAIIII

*exits*

GOOD GRAMMAR POST

I just sadly realized that nothing happens until action is taken. I'm referencing this in regard to a particular thing. Sometimes I sit in a tutorial/lecture and I suddenly get an urge to talk to the person next to me, you know, the more people you get to know the better. So I build up courage inside of me, and my heart starts beating so freaking hard and then my stupid brain decides to inundate itself with stupid thoughts, which stop me from doing the thing that could have been done by simply quickly acting upon my instincts.

Which lead me to realise that if you don't DO, or ACT, your thoughts may as well not have existed. Basically, two people may be sitting in a lecture theatre. One person doesn't think much, and the other person builds up half their courage to talk to the person sitting next to them but then gives in. Internally, something may have changed, but the reality is, nothing has changed.

It is only when you ACT, that people will begin to get to know you, and I know this is kind of no shit but I think that talking specifically about this would make who ever reads this more inspired to act. Because it is only through action, that other people can even begin to understand who you are.

Ok simple example to make clear what I'm trying to say. Let's say you're sitting on a train full of silent people. Now, you probably subconsciously think that they're uninteresting/boring people, and just like sheep, they're probably super ordinary, not unique, and don't have deep thoughts. Until one person starts randomly talking to you about their amazing life.

SEE... because that person physically acted by talking to you, they suddenly aren't a sheep in a flock. LOL BEST EXAMPLE.

Also,

Even if you used to only build up 10% courage to talk to a random, and now you can build up to 90% courage, in a sense, you have changed nothing at all. There is only action and no action. Zero percent and a hundred percent. No in between. So next time you think of something, DO IT, because not doing it, is kind of like discrediting the existence of that thought, if that makes sense.

So in a way, those who are less action - inclined people are at a disadvantage sometimes.

Anyway it's obviously not easily done but good luck HAHA

CORRECTION

OK she doesn't do it anymore,


phew!
i think she was in a bad mood that day.

ANGRY

My sister's first words to me when she came home were:

"yes, go lock yourself up in a room, i don't want to see your face."

DAFUQ, this ain't even a joke. and that isn't the first time either.

What in the hellsbells could even make a person say that after just seeing their sister, sure I may be annoying sometimes but it's not like I've done anything to her in the past fews days or even today. I just don't get how words like that could come out of nowhere. and that's the thing, because words just don't come out of nowhere, there must be this intense hatred of my presence OR She's screwing with me,

ALSO, it's not even because she had a bad day at work

anyway

If I ask, she'd probably say oh because your annoying, because I have asked before.

BA BOI

Ok guys, blog has been dead for a while so I will forcibly think of something to type up.

Yesterday, I went to a gymnastics class. Highlights include:

-everyone is so damn flexible and good
- flying in the air feels good
- trampolines are so bouncy and fun because you get to jump awesomely high
- there exists a sponge pit holymoly and you can somersault into the squishiness
- i did a somersault into the squishiness (it feels so weird because i have no spatial awareness at all) like when i do the somersault i have no idea what is happening until i land onto the squishy mat and then i realize, "Oh, so i landed on my butttt" like i have no control over when, where or how im landing.
- gymnastics is 20 bucks a week )8 i need to work hard for more moolahs damn
- i met this guy who talked to me a lot out of kindness and friendship, he was very open.

I now know his course, tutition fees, mode of transport to and from his house, where he lives, his nationality, his teacher, where his teacher is going on for a holiday and why, how much his material costs, where he studies, what he studies, what his high school life is like... and yeah HAHA very interesting!


Also the tutoring place i go to now 1Ap14c3 (so they don't find me LOL), the head english teacher is..
quite adorable, he has a kiddy voice, round sweet face like a lollipop. YAY

sheesh!!

SHOUT OUT TO EMILY

I dont purposely spell things wrong1!!!!

i just don't intend to spell super correctly, aka i type without going back to read, i do not consciously make an effort to spell badly so HA! in ur bfs face LOL JKJK
\
hi emily 8) i love you..

i mean

ILYBBYGRL4lyf5evaaaaa! xoxoxoxoxo

Recount of todayz day

I seem to never recount my day and I'll tell you why

It's because I haven't been doing anything out there

So maybe im going to do something out there soon

to stir some shitttz up a little.

Right now everyything is so mediocre, like i swear the only thing worthy of mention

is the fact, me and this shy-ish girl in philosophy tutorial shared a moment together.

Like one of us said something and we both genuinely laughed LOL

is that sad? HAHA FAROUTT

and seein ting in philo was niceeeeeee and i use the word nice because it's such an ordinary, daily sort of sweetness.

and i was tutoring a kid in english standard today, i was like maintain my mature authority and then i bursted out laughing at my own hilarious creative writing ideas and i couldn't stop. but my student gave me a forgiving stare so alls cool WHHEEE

and on a more morbid note that makes me wanna screaaamL
20 years jooliar, 20 years to be kewl (i hope i can interpret this when i come back to read it) deedub guys i am not terminally ill or anythingg 8)

Tunneling through

From what I know, tunnel vision has two definitions:

One of which is physical (wikipedia) : the loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision
One of which is metaphorical (urban dictionary): Limited vision, as in seeing only your own point of view
(sources aren't very reliable but you get da jist.)

Anyway , I was just thinking, don't we have the massive-est tunnel vision ever. I was sitting at the back of the train and staring at the view of the seats and I could only manage to visually reach out to the blurry view outside the windows. 

Most of this is unsupported evidence (as i have learnt in uni LOL) but the only reason we don't feel trapped with our "tunnel vision" is because we have thoughts and imagination that take us to other fantasy places and subconsciously construct the world around us so we don't freak out about our surroundings (eg. we know if we walk outside our house, there is going to be the porch). I think im trying to articulate what I feel now. For example, although within my field of vision is only a freaking computer screen right now, my thoughts are what set me "Free" and don't make me feel trapped LOL freak this sounds so corny but you get me yah?

the more I realise these obvious kind of things, the more existential I feel, the more weird it feels because I feel like realizing these little things allow me to see the bigger picture of (something). Since a lot of the time, "reality" is grasped with sight, our tunnelly vision, much like a film reel, only plays a tiny bit of the picture(and our thoughts only make up a portion of the out-side the tunnelly vision). That is why (if i recall correctly) the red bull guy who jumped from 60km away from earth felt the immensity of the earth/"reality" and his own insignificance, and human frailty and blah etc. because in his tunnelly vision, he saw half the earth.

which brings me back to the same ole question, is there a better way to get a hold on reality? a way that I don't just take in what I see in front of me and the in-front-of-me view when I turn 180 degrees but to "See" the whole earth in action/everyone's lives at once, I guess id have to be omniscient. Also, if i close my eyes I can't mentally imagine another way to ground myself to reality, how do blind people do it, what the heck do they do.

Another point I wanted to make is that within our limited visual frame, this may be obvious but I want to look at this from a visual perspective, that who ever enters it most are probably the people who have the most significance in your life which is kind of no shit because if you are close to someone chances are you spend time with them and visually "see" them more. But maybe this can also be attributed to the fact that being present/in the vicinity of someone you don't know can make them feel closer to you.

This doesn't have to occur visually though, I mean, who ever enters your circle of mental awareness circle, such as those who you can't visually see but are within close proximity of yourself can also be close people.

Okay im not quite sure where im going here but I just wanted to point out a few thought that i have conjured up in my little brain, eeeeeenjoy da brain foood.

spacesong

According to vsauce:

Apparently when we launched some sort of spaceship/shuttle(?) into outer space in some sort of vague hope that aliens would discover it we sent along this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzd9Wa3WoTw

If you guys want to know more about it google golden disk alien song or something, I forgot it was aaages ago!

But still the choice of song astounds, mesmerizes and confuses me. I don't really understand the song, as in when I listen to it I'm not sure what to feel, although it kind of gives off a feeling of inner wailing, if that even counts as a feeelinnnngg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU8lYA3DHZY sounds niceee

love this damn quote, in jap coz it makes it sooooooo much coohler oh yea :-)

何もしなければ　何も起きない

hupppppppp

you guys know those moments where your heart suddenly feels like it's beating out of your chest for a few seconds nad you gasp madly for breath. well i just did that, i realised that i was holding my breath for quite a long while subconciously

-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_
BREEEAATHHEEINNNN BREATTHHEE OUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

when i read back on what i typed i realised the first line osunds like a line out of some crappy romance book HAH!

the obvious that must be restated

people who aren't within temporal or spatial proximity to you don't seem to exist anymore

especially people who you've interacted minimally with, are forgotten and therefore don't exist aka the primary school canteen lady

you can only feel your best friends and family's existence quite strongly

especially if you don't have strong connections with family and friends, your own existence is felt so strongly that it takes up your "those who exist" thoughts and you feel like the only person in the world

im trying to get at is that if you want to be a strong existence/presence in someone's life, try to keep in touch, keep within close proximity

though that's pretty no shit stuff isn't it aye

I find this very interesting.

A poem from cho chang to JK rowling about her representation of Cho Chang addressing racial/stereotypes of Asian women. Actually very interesting I think you should watch it, link is below if the embedded video doesn't work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFPWwx96Kew

Her response video

diff between rents and i

i said something along the lines of "but they haven't dated yet/become girlfriend boyfriend" whilst watching this movie with parents

and they said "but they kissed"

WOAH i feel kinda non-innocentttt