Door of the Universe

Today, whilst scanning through book reviews on goodreads.com, I can't remember which book, but I remember coming across a quote in the summary section taken from the book along the lines of....

When you walk through a door, you're not just walking through a door, but a door thats planted on an immensely giant ball that is floating in the vast expanse of space which is the universe.

For some (or most people haha), quotes provide a exhilarating burst of inspiration, before disappearing under the small pressures of day to day life.

This quote, or attempt at replicating the quote's really nice because I often think about the mortality of myself and those around me. And these thoughts recur in moments irrelevant to that thought. For example, I could be at a party watching people dance, or be dancing and be completely in my head and start thinking about how we're all so temporary. It does however emphasise the beauty of the moment.

For the sake of easier understanding let's call this mindset of consciously thinking about how mortal we are, how little time we have left and the whole zoomed-out view of life as just meaningful but also insignificant in the grand scheme of thing as a 'we-all-die' mindset.

This we-all-die mindset, I've come to realise can be bad because thinking like that means that you can fail to be completely present in the moment. By playing observer in your own interactions, and framing everything that you do under a 'we-all-die' big-picture way means that we can't enjoy the now. And being in the present is important because... well apparently you're more happy that way. It sort of makes sense.

I mean, according to some guru of some sort somewhere, being in the present is equivalent to immortality because those who live in the now, and are conscious of where they are now and accept the now don't draw timelines back into the past of future. I don't actually think this last paragraph made too much sense - and it might be a bit too abstract. I'll try improve on it next time haha which means ... I won't.

hi

Hi, this is me again!

My post from 2013 jan 2 was really immature, people who think a year is mediocre take things for granted. To live comfortably for a whole year, to be able to be safe, happy and healthy with family and friends is a kind of miracle in itself, and nobody should label a year as shit or mediocre without understanding that mediocrity is only experienced by those who are comparably well-off.

Anyway,

December 31st I was invited to a family friends house. They have a five-story house that offered great views of the harbour fireworks. On that day I also received a call from Jeffrey (mum's colleagues?) to help out on a boat, so from 4pm on that day all the way until midnight and a few hours after, I was floating on a luxury boat on Sydney Harbour.

And right before midnight, I sat on the mini-boat, on a set of stairs. The other boats began slowly shifting their positions in preparation for the fireworks, finalise their position, and bob silently in expectation.  I was very close to the glistening pitch-black water that reflected the neon blue lights that the other boats were emitting, and it was kind of a nice silent, peaceful moment for me.

During that day, I felt a unity of people atop the boats, and a unity of the boats on the harbour as well as the unity of cheers from people ashore that I could hear probably kilometres away after the spectacular firework showcase. And with that weird unfamiliar and wonderful feeling you get floating on a boat at night looking at the brightly lit sky, it all felt so beautiful and lonely and happy and sad and warm at the same time.

Perhaps that is the kind of feeling you get when you try to reflect upon a a whole year that has passed and welcome the next year during the few hours before and after the transition from one year to another.

wot

i was just thinking...

you realise that you had forgotten the negative things in life for a period of time when you finally remember that for a period of time you had not remembered these negative things.

point is,

why can't we consciously know that we are in a period of time where we have forgotten these negative things... instead of, realising afterwards.


not that i have had negative things in life, but you know.. an example!

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this makes me so happyyy - you guys too?

meh-dio-cahhhh!!!!

a few people have posted their new years thoughts about lllife on facebook about a day ago, here is mine briefly

so the majority of posts on facebook have been talking about what a great year 2013 has been, what hope 2014 brings them and how great their friends have been, and that is good. It's what A LOT of people say,,,,, but it's those simple things-> friends, awesome experiences with friends etc. that bring the most happiness. and the only way to put it into words is through the cliched phrases "thank yo this thank yo that... look forward to 2013 booyah"

buuhhht what about the people who didnt think 2013 was great? maybe it didn't live up to their high or low expectations, what if 2013 was just the mediocre of the mediocre despite the little bits of joy that did occur during the year, aka, SHHHIIIIIITTTT. Shit meaning not the best, what nooww

i guess for the majority or minority of the people who felt 2013 was meh (not sure because nobody posts anything about 2013 being not so good) just remember that there is a section of people out there who feel the same. people who do acknolwedge and appreciate the things they take for granted, but felt like their year was the meh of the mehs. and i might be part of that group gahh

let's work together for this year to be better better better, lots to improve on!!! GOGOGOGOGOGO

R A N T

Just then, she did it again.
I walked into the bathroom and low and behold i see the core bit of the toilet roll (what's it called?) with nothing around it except for one square piece of paper.

one square piece of paper!! D<
dude someone did this on purpose and I know who. because they were sooooo freaking lazy, they left one tiny piece of paper floating on the toilet roll core so they didn't have to get a new roll of toilet paper.

WHY?! is is soooo hard to go get a new toilet rolll

IS IT SO HARDDD!! FAROUT
how rude, so snneaaakkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
mum or dad wouldnt do it so it's sis

i feel better now
ttyl getting new roll

plantations of people

Dad and I were talking and suddenly we started talking about his dad's brothers etc, and we ended up drawing up a family tree, which was crayyyyy because his mother had many brothers and his dad had another 5-6 or so siblings and all went haywire.

Anyway, we ended up circling the names of all those who were still alive, (we didn't even know all their names) and crossing out those who were dead, and it gave me a sort of weird feeling, like a sense of loss.

and when i think about all these people dead and gone, death rings close to my ears, because they all have some sort of connection with me even if it's a weak one. Especially when my dad talks of his nephew he used to play with when they were 8, I feel like humanity is so completely alone, that once my dad passes away at some point, that young memory does too, and there are so many memories are dying right now locked away in the heads of people who never told their story. And yeah just so BLEAAAKK and SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. like how much do we really know about anyone.

[Every single time I go visit those rural, agrarian, dull, dusty, units that my relatives older than my parents live, I get mixed feelings of warmth, death. And I feel disconnected yet at ease at the same time, like I'm a branch re-attaching itself to a core Zhu family trunk, if that made sense. I have never seen many relatives of mine, such the ones who are a few generations older than me, and even if I have, I probably forgot them looong ago because I visited them when I was at such as young age. When I picture meeting them again I feel nice LOL FAROUT that lack of vocab. It's belonging wooooooo] - ceebs fixing this para

When I ask you, who's in your family? consciously and subconsciously you would only think to your immediate family: dad, mum, brother, sister etc etc etc. and yourself obviously. I feel like this is a very self-centered pov, which is perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong/bad about that because I'm asking about you. But yeah, I think what I'm trying to get across is that we are connected to a whole bunch of people, younger or older that share similar blood. Better yet, we are positioned in a FIXED place on a huge family tree, so we HAVE TO belong, you ARE the daughter or son of your mother and father, and that's inescapable, you can't choose not to be.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ANYWAY I'M DONE BAAIIII

*exits*